We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
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