I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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