I'm jealous of your bromance
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
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