my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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