dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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