im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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