That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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