I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I deserve this hangover.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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