went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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