dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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