Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
