I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
