Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
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I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
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I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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