Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
