I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
