You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
