its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
