After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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