Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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