Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Everyone says I win the strip club
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
