If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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