I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
