Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
