I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize