I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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