No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
