Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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