I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
