the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
