you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
