Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
