u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
