I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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