I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
