she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
