Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
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In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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