dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
She just used a chaser for red wine.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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