I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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