I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
