Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
