I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
In other news, I just burned my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize