so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
