I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
