imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
