3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
