ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
