Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
