who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
