Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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