there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
