You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Is it penis luge time yet?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
