Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
