I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
