I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
