dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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