google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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