absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
